A very personal Story

A very personal Story: It all started with an April fools joke, also when Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin pretended expecting a baby. At the same time,also Mary Orton, a NYC based Fashion Influencer and Digital entrepreneur announced with her husband Rich Scudellari in a video, that she’s pregnant. If you’re following them around, you would have probably understood their special kind of humour and sometimes sarcasm.

April fools joke

But in this case, people assumed that she’s doing an April fools joke, also like Justin and Hailey did. People, especially on social media, don’t know any constraints and a massively shitstorm with negative comments started. About the two not really grown up Bieber kids. We can just say that they’re not really thinking about any consequences or also how this might affect other people, who just don’t want to hear any fun about pregnancies. It’s not ok what they did, but also hey, they’re kids who still have to learn a lot in life. We all know from scandals that they’re really suffering with their lives. But when it comes to Mary’s story, I’m shocked. Some of the people wished Mary a miscarriage.

Last night she responded to all of these negative comments. She told the world out there, that she’s seriously expecting a baby. And all of their wishes already came true. Because also she had a miscarriage last September, when she was over 12 weeks pregnant with twins. She lost her two babies. When reading this post, I just stopped doing what I did and was really feeling her sorrow from her words.

about mary

Mary is a very ambitious, powerful and straightforward business woman. She works day and night and also made all of her success by herself. I’m identifying myself a lot with Mary. She’s a role model for me in so many aspects. She lives the life as an entrepreneur in New York City, that I’m still dreaming of. That’s why I’m following her. I feel inspired by how she’s managing her daily meeting marathons. And also at the same looking stunning and perfectly styled. I’m following her on a daily basis, and also as most of the influencer do, she is posting a lot but nothing really personal feelings or emotions, because she is using her account for a professional purpose and not for a personal diary. So that’s why I didn’t know that she had a miscarriage and I heard it the first time yesterday evening. However, the point is, she stood up now and shared her very personal and intimate story with all of us. Sharing this personal tragedy,

I won’t stop doing it

I’m even more impressed, how she was dealing with such a loss the last couple of months and how she still kept doing and running her own business at the same pace and strength before this tragedy happened. I just started four weeks ago with my blog and my Instagram page. I was feeling very insecure, if this is the right way to do.

But now I’m confident enough to say, that no matter what happens to my personal life, I won’t stop doing it because, it is now a part of my life, that I’m sharing stories with others.

As I have nothing published yet about my business, I’m working on, I think people are following me not due to professional purposes, but because they like me who I am and what I stand for. That’s why I also decided to share my very personal story with you. I am able to feel the same pain as Mary. It broke my heart 4 months ago, when I experienced it.

end of November

I had a miscarriage end of November, when I was pregnant in week 11.

At first, it was the best that ever happened to me and then also it was over from one to the other day. I had so many days where, I woke up in the morning and didn’t realized it, that this happened and it was all over. I was hardly able to grasp what kind of emotions were overflowing me.

Above all, I didn’t want to talk to anybody, but my husband.

I couldn’t find words for it. And I didn’t want to hear any words from others. I needed the time just for myself for deeply mourning the loss of my baby girl. We came back home from our honeymoon beginning of October and I got the best news of my life on the day of my birthday, October, 23. Expected delivering date was my Mom’s birthday, June 30. Everything was just so perfect. Too perfect.

I already imagined

In my mind, I already imagined, if she will have my nose and his eyes, also I mentally bought so many cute dresses and thought about rearranging our guest room. But now it won’t happen. I will never meet her because she’s a little star in heaven. From day to day, it got better, but being able to feel this pain, is now a part of me. I just want you to let you know, also that no words will ever heal this pain, nothing you’ll say to your friends or family, will make it better. Just being there helps. But please don’t expect anything from the person that is going through such a pain and please don’t tell that 1 out of 4 woman are experiencing a miscarriage in their life and you know already a few others that were experiencing the same.

It might help at a later point when you are ready to talk about that experience with others who went through the same. But in the first days, weeks, months it is a very sensitive topic that anybody is dealing different with it. I realized the fact, also that even in your closest group of friends, rumours were spreading around. It was maybe due to the reason, also that I was not able to talk about this with anybody, besides my closest family and my husband. So people started talking and assuming about what might or could have happened. I even heard that people said, also they think I turned an abortion.

Isn’t this world unfair?

Isn’t this world unfair? You’re going through the worst pain in your life and then something like this happens? I’m not getting it, also why people are so negative, offensive and insulting. Was it because they were not part of my story and also I didn’t let them know before that I was pregnant? As it was my first time, also i didn’t know how to handle it, when it’s the best point for a coming out. And I was not ready to let everybody know. But why are people acting like this, like in my story our in Mary’s situation yesterday? 

A very personal Story

A very personal Story: Mary and I are strong and powerful. We are finding in every situation a reason why to move forward. Also, This morning I woke up and saw that the trees, bushes and gras turned green overnight. This happened because after some days of sun, tonight and this morning it was raining. Other people might have stood up this morning being annoyed by the rain. I am seeing it from a different perspective, there is both sun and rain needed to grow something new. In the book, I recently started reading, the Author explained, that this kind of positive thinking is produced by our body.

this is what happens to us every day

Some people are not able to produce the substances that are responsible for positive thinking. They rather tend to run after some reasons of life theorems, also take medicine or drugs in order to produce positive thoughts. I never judged other people about being different than me, also I always thought that there might be any rational explanation why they act like they do. Now as I learned this fact, I can understand others reactions even better. I’m not wanting to change others that they should acting more emphatically in situations that Mary and also I recently were going through, it is more about learning what this is doing with me and how I can deal with situations better, where I feel unfairly treated. Because this is what happens to us every day no matter if you’re on social media or in a real life. Also…

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